Grizzly bears can't be dangerous! They're too cute.

Senator Ribbit is a liar. You shouldn't listen to him on anything.

My uncle is a mechanic and he says you shouldn't spank children. He says it's ineffective.

If we let the government implant tracking devices in criminals, it's not going to stop there! They're going to want to track school children and eventually everyone!

Southerners talk fast. I was just on the phone with one, and I could barely keep up!

You've got to teach the boys logic! If you don't teach them logic, they won't learn how to think! And they'll become hobos and die in prison! Don't you care about your sons? (Mother to Father)

Politician Running for Public Office: You can all trust what I say. I have never lied in my life.

Bert: I've been learning about the Second World War lately. I found that America provoked Japan into attacking Pearl Harbor. I don't think that was the right thing to do.

Jenny: Oh, so you are now taking the side of Axis? Do you think Germany and Japan were right to do what they did?

Since a single human cell becomes a grown man over a period of a few years, then surely it can't be impossible for a single-cell organism to become the human race over a period of several million years.

There's no point listening to you. Everybody knows you're just a little do-gooder.

God did not create the world six thousand years ago because matter has always existed, and therefore the world has always existed.

Interviewer: What do you think should be done about people who swear in public?

Man on the Street: I think it should be against the law.

Interviewer: Oh, I suppose you're against the right to free speech, then?

OJ Simpson couldn't have murdered his wife. He's in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. He's famous!

I think scientists are wrong. There is no such thing as global warming. I just finished talking to my boss, and he thought the idea was ridiculous.

If you're going to add that much salt to the soup, you might as well pour the whole box in!

The Supreme Court right now is deciding whether it is right to execute insane people who have committed murder. I think it is all right to execute insane people. If we ban executions of insane people, then everybody on death row will suddenly decide they are insane and purposely fail sanity tests. It would result in chaos.

You can buy the new Sensitivity perfume, or you can smell bad all day.

I don't think we need to talk to the people in the Justice Department about the practicality of enforcing this bill. The Justice Department is full of Democrats, and they are already biased against it.

Farmer McDonald: Ever since they put up that new power plant across the river, we haven't had a bit of rain. I'm tellin' you, mankind has got too big for its britches when it fiddles around with nature.

A cloud is 90 percent water; a watermelon is 90 percent water. Therefore, since a plane can fly through a cloud, a plane can fly through a watermelon.